Saturday, December 16, 2006

A modest administrative reform proposal

We interrupt the silly competition to see who can get away with the most fraud in the 2006 Weblog Awards for best educationalisteseazamatazz blog (a tentative congrats to Michael Bérubé's loyal readership for having beaten out the readership of a defunct homeschool blog, an Ivy League gossip site, and all the others) to present a serious extension of the last 20 years' worth of education reforms and changes in educational leadership in major urban school districts. From the bulimia of decentralization-centralization to the hiring of politician-CEOs and admired-als, we have learned a great deal about the efforts to Get Serious with Teachers. From more than a generation of efforts to denigrate the effort of teachers, we know that we haven't helped education a darned bit.

We obviously need to redouble our efforts, or the efforts of teachers, whichever makes more political sense.

Therefore, because the darned nuisance of the fourth and eighth amendments to the Constitution prohibits the use of elongated leather motivational devices with public employees, we need to outsource and resource the personnel management system to Terminational Motivational Organizational Leaders (tm). Terminational Motivational Organizational Leaders (tm) are willing, able, and happy to provide the Ultimate Ultimatum. Teachers who ignore the legitimate requests of Terminational Motivational Organizational Leaders (tm) will find themselves deprived of gold stars, certificates, raises, bonuses for national certification, kudos, public recognition of their efforts, congratulatory e-mails and notes, a standing ovation at assemblies, favored consideration in transfer applications, tuition benefits, the benefit of the doubt, advancement opportunities, due process in administrative hearings, cafeteria benefits, a rational salary system, tenure, and biological processes.

The Terminational Motivational Organizational Leader (tm) in your district will personally handle the disposition of such recalcitrant cases and make sure that the school district's investment in personnel resources is used efficiently. With the Terminational Motivational Organizational Leader (tm) program, while the return on public-resource investment may not be of further use in the classroom in terms of instructional leadership, there will be a return on the investment in other ways. Such efficiencies may appear in the school lunch program, emergency lighting capacity, and continually renewed science classroom laboratory supplies.

All other leadership programs pale in comparison to its boldness. All performance-pay plans pale in comparison to its theory of action. The Terminational Motivational Organizational Leader (tm) program is the logical end point of the last generation of education reform. It may well be the last generation of education reform, in more than one way.


Michael Bérubé said...

a tentative congrats to Michael Bérubé's loyal readership for having beaten out the readership of a defunct homeschool blog

Barely. You forgot to say that we barely beat out the readership of a defunct homeschool blog.

Love the TMOs, though! Great idea. Thank goodness there won't be any more education reforms after that one.

Jim Horn said...

Now that's some nice bloggin'.

The only thing you left out was the link from TMOL to Sir Marc Tucker's "America’s Choice: High Skills or Low Wages!"

Go get 'em, Sherm.